


new place to begin

by Lilipie



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:27:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24576037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilipie/pseuds/Lilipie
Summary: Chilly summer nights bring back unspoken words.
Relationships: Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	new place to begin

**Author's Note:**

> Please listen to New place to begin by Khai dreams!

A chilly night under the summer sky. Silence engulfed everything but heartfelt whispers. They were huddled under the blanket, talked about everything and nothing at once, the things that would earn a slight shake of the head from anyone else. Jisung averted from the sky to the boy beside him, their foreheads lightly touching. Chenle's limpid and shining eyes in the dark, so painfully tender and bright - just like Chenle himself, stared right at Jisung. The ever so brave, larger than life, delicate and lovely Chenle with his warmth pulls Jisung forwards like no one else ever does. It must have always been this way. It must have always been this easy, carefree, and make him feel like he is finally home. His mind was running 5 miles a second, whirling with thoughts, about a lot of things - about words never told, about how this one moment was so precisely unique and can never be replicated. It felt like just the two of them in the world under the starry night, chests rise and fall at the same time, eyes seeing to eyes so perfectly.

That was 3 years ago when they were still in high school. Now here they are, in Chenle's bedroom, a little bit tipsy from the night out with the other boys. Jisung misses the night when they used to hang at each other's house, sometimes climbing up Chenle's rooftop to see the stars. "I can live without a lot of things, but not the stars", - Chenle always said. He loves the open sky, where it feels like all in the world is well. 

Tonight, something is different. Maybe the alcohol is running and spinning his head around. Maybe the way Chenle was so strangely insistent about Jisung coming back to his house, warm fingertips tracing on his arms distractedly and reassuringly at the time, and blasting his eyelashes so prettily at Jisung - how can he say no? Maybe the chilly weather is sobering him, and he was thinking about how Donghyuck had pulled him outside, snickering about how nothing changed between him and Chenle after so long the group hadn't met. 

Chenle just came out of the shower, looking cozy with his hair still wet. He insisted on Jisung drying his hair for him. In Jisung's whipped fashion, he agreed. It has been long since they went to different universities and spent little time together. They talk about random things from dinner.

"I can't believe Mark hyung finally proposed to Donghyuck!" Chenle reminds excitedly,

They were basically screaming at the pub earlier. Proposing at such a young age, but after how long Mark and Donghyuck have been together, is only understandable. Mark just graduated for a few years, and Donghyuck moved in with him. 

"I can't wait to embarrass them at the wedding by recounting how Mark hyung painfully pined after Donghyuck hyung when they were sophomores in high school. Maaan, that shit was HILARIOUS!" Jisung laughs, thinking about how Mark cried his eyes out and avoided Donghyuck for two weeks when Donghyuck started dating that Jaehyun guy.

Chenle looks back at him, his finger pointing at Jisung. "You are so mean. You know how they were at the time.."

"You mean, best friends best friends?" 

"Yeah, that shit is too risky."

"But isn't it nice, being with someone you have known and loved for such a long time..?" Jisung says, dreamily and not too sober, at least not when the conversation is venturing into dangerous water - like familiarity and love and best friends and unreciprocated feelings.

"I guess it also takes lots of courage too. Being with a friend and with a special someone is so... different? You can never actually detach yourself from your partner, i guess. And you have way less expectations with friends. Being in love is such an expensive sport!!"

"Not to mention, it can ruin everything." Jisung can't help but agreed, he knows how much effort Mark and Donghyuck are making into their relationship, not wanting to waste a beautiful friendship before. Their familiarity and love have grown into something so soul-bonding with times, that no infatuation can fake. After all, sacrificing friendship seems like something brave... the line that Jisung would never cross. "What is stopping you?" Donghyuck hyung had asked, "It's not like he is gonna hate you for that. Rejection at most, don't be a coward forever."

They fell into silence. Something soft and unsaid is deafening at the same time.

"But I bet It doesn't work like that. Not rationally like that, I mean. Have you wanted to be with someone so badly they just take up all of your thoughts? And they are so crazy off-limits too. You either break your own heart or their heart... Or both. It is either you do or you don't, and it drives you crazy sometimes." Chenle suddenly said, his voice is distant and bitter and he is not looking at Jisung. 

It is strange, they never have this kind of discussion before. Jisung shudders, maybe Chenle just said something important. He knows that, maybe all too well. How can he not know? How can he not know, with Chenle so soft, pliant and within touches to Jisung like this, his eyes shining so brightly and he makes Jisung feel content and full, just by being with him? How can he not know, ever since they were kids, ever since the first time they met, the pieces just click so perfectly? The way they finish each other's words, the way they are so starkly different and yet get along so perfectly, the way Chenle makes him feel more like a whole person. Like all is well and he will always have Chenle with him, for a long long time. When they are apart, Jisung feels like he is lost and wanders. For the longest time since they left for university, Jisung finds it sufffocating and not himself, not when he is not Chenle's Jisung. When summer comes and they are finally back, it is the kind of contentment. Suddenly, he wants to get brave. Maybe just for this one time. Maybe they can both be free.

"What if i tell you.. I have wanted to be with you for a long time?" It shocks Chenle that he just shuts up immediately, staring at Jisung like he had grown two heads.

"Do you ever think of me, the way I think of you? - that kind of question fucked me up so badly. It was so hard... Being with you all the time and not... being with you in the way I wanted... All those nights spent at your place… god, the longing. And the night we were on the rooftop... You just.. Ruined me for everyone else, I guess, even when we were never together--- If I am ever with someone that is not you, what is the point--" Jisung stops to laugh bitterly at his naive thought.

"Why don't you say anything?" Chenle stares him in the eyes, like that one summer night, but this time without the familiar warmth that he'd grown to love - with uncertainty, voice shaking. But again, what is the point in avoiding the pain that can't be helped?

"Because I don't want to ruin things between us! I didn't and still don't want to burden you with that kind of… knowledge? Then we went to university… We just, grew apart a little bit, I guess. Then every time I came back to meet you, my feelings just - they are still there. I hated myself for a while, stuck in that loop - i can't get over you but can't bring myself closer to you." Jisung gulped, averting his eyes. Chenle looked like he was about to faint right here. "And suddenly... I think about how we are just worlds apart… My other piece of one heart, I thought, that I had never gone on too long without, is now... So far away. The place where i also left behind all of what i thought was me. You were what i thought was me. It was so scary and sad at the same time, It is so crazy how strongly I feel about you all the time. So, now I'm saying this... Because for the longest time, I feel like I was rushing to an end only to get stuck in the same place. But this time, I want to set it straight with you, maybe... Just maybe, we will find a new place to begin." Jisung rambles in a hurry, scared to piss off Chenle even more... It is not like he had a way back now anyway..

"I'm sorry, it must be a lot for you to take in.. But you know the Jisung way, I will bottle it up until I explode but I will get over it in no time-- we are gonna go back to university and far apart for a while so it wouldn't be a problem--"

"You idiot!" Chenle shouts, a little bit angrily. He barrels forward, and suddenly Jisung has a lapful of Chenle. He kisses Jisung. He slides his fingers through Jisung's hair and kisses him. His skin is warm and smells like chilly nights and summer. Jisung feels like he could explode any second. 

Chenle pulls back, finally looking less angry, then presses a few softer, gentler kisses against Jisung" s mouth. When they finally pull apart for real, he sighs, a little bit happily and helplessly at the same time.

"You idiot. Now you know I thought - and think of you, the way you think about me. Why do you think I haven't dated anyone for years, even when I leave for university? At least we can agree on the part pining after your best friend is not FUN!"

His lips pull into a big smile, just the way Jisung loved, his eyes crescent moons, and his perfect teeth showing up. He looks so young like this, just like when they were teenagers, awkward in their limbs, silly with stolen glances and simple words. Jisung thinks he is so beautiful that it would take him forever to stop feeling like that silly boy he once was, longing for Chenle.

"I lied. I don't think I will ever get over you. Maybe when I jump over that rooftop out of years of pining and have a head injury and forget all about you and your stupid big head and your soft mouth and your cute teeth--"

"Tell me about it, baby."

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyy, so this is a gift for my best friend @yourdarlinh :) you are my darling! HPBD baby! sorry this is so rushed but i have always promised you a chenji fanfic..!  
> No beta and it's 2 a.m.. i will edit it later!


End file.
